


The Hu(e)man Condition

by mobilicordis



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Coming Out, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff then angst, Implied sexual acts, M/M, MWPP Era, Marauders, Marauders' Era, Soulmate AU, Soulmates, also god help me remus is so cute, but only for this au because i love her, jily, slight tonks bashing, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-04
Updated: 2017-09-23
Packaged: 2018-12-10 22:06:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11700807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mobilicordis/pseuds/mobilicordis
Summary: A Soulmate AU in which the world is in black and white until the first time you look into your soulmate's eyes.Sirius Black happens upon three mismatched boys during his first visit to Platform 9 3/4. One of them is more intriguing to him than he'd like to admit. Maybe because this boy is the first person he sees in color.First chapter is as fluffy as fluff can be and my version of how the marauders met. Second chapter is much more angsty.





	1. Part One: A Soulmate Found

Remus had said goodbye to his parents and boarded the train to Hogwarts before any of the other students. He made his way to the very last compartment, sure that no one else would come back that far, and loaded his trunk by himself, werewolf strength and all. His body sagged heavily down onto the bench of his compartment, fatigue from the last moon still weighing down his body. Without meaning to, he slipped into a light sleep with his head resting against the window of the train.

Sirius stiffly hugged his mum goodbye, shook his father’s hand, and they and Regulus departed to go back home. He looked around him in wonder, taking in all the interesting looking wizards and nearly laughing at the few terribly confused muggles dropping off their first-years, just like him. While he people-watched, a blur raced across in front of his eyes, and something slammed hard into him, knocking him flat to the ground. He sat up quickly to yell at whoever hit him only to find that they were right next to him, as they’d fallen as well. Sirius looked the boy over. He had dark hair that stuck up wildly around his head and lightly tanned skin that was evidence of hours spent playing in the sun. A quaffle was rolling away a few feet from them, and was likely what had flown past Sirius first. The boy rubbed at his skinned chin and began to grope around on the ground.

“What are you doing?” Sirius asked angrily. The back of his head and his tailbone hurt from hitting the hard stone.

“Sorry about that, mate. Couldn’t let my quaffle get away.” The boy sounded unnaturally happy for just smashing his jaw on the ground. “Think you could help me find my glasses?” Oh, so that was it. Sirius looked around and spotted a pair of round glasses about a meter away, in the opposite direction of the quaffle. He pushed himself up and stepped over to grab them.

“Here, mate,” he said, holding them out to the boy. His hand raised up, but not toward Sirius. He couldn’t help but laugh. “You are bloody blind without these, aren’t you?” He placed them in the boy’s hand, and he slipped them back over his nose. He blinked up at Sirius before smiling and holding out his hand.

“Hey, I’m James,” The boy said.

“Sirius Black,” He replied, shaking the boy’s hand. Then he used his other arm to pull James up from the ground. James turned in a circle before spotting the quaffle and reaching out to pick it up.

Sirius hadn’t been afforded much time in his life with other kids his age beside Regulus, so he was eager to talk. “You a quidditch fan?”

“Yeah, I’m crazy about it. So’s my Dad. I’m gonna be a Catcher for Gryffindor someday.”

Sirius’ mood fell a bit. Gryffindor, huh? So they were destined enemies from the beginning.

“I’ll be in Slytherin for sure. My whole family has been, ever since the founders,” Sirius said shyly.

“Well that’s okay. As long as you’re not a slimy snake!” James said, smiling. Sirius tried to return the grin, but was already worrying about the sorting. Oh well, he could still enjoy the company until the ceremony, he supposed. 

Sirius headed with James back towards his parents, dragging his cart behind him. James hugged his parents as well and they left, and Sirius and James helped each other to load their luggage onto the train. Only a few of the compartments were full, but they decided to head to the back so they could talk uninterrupted. At the very back, they ducked into the last compartment, only to find that another boy was already inside asleep. Sirius thought he looked rather drab; his robes too big, patched up hand-me-downs obviously, and his hair ruffled and his face scarred. Sirius almost suggested heading to a different compartment, away from the boy whose face made Sirius’ stomach do twisting somersaults, but James had already plopped himself down on the bench.

“This is perfect!” James said quietly. “Privacy from everyone, and maybe he’ll wake up and talk to us!” Some part of Sirius believed that James was too optimistic in his assumptions of people wanting to be friends with him, but he shrugged and pushed past James to sit across from the other boy anyway. While James got out a pack of cards, Sirius looked over at the sleeping boy across from him. He had a raggedy coat draped over his shoulders and his cheek smushed up against the glass. His slow breaths shook the longer hair that fell against his cheek. Despite all that should have told him otherwise, Sirius thought the boy was really… pretty. Part of him was repulsed at the idea, but the larger part was too busy looking at the long eyelashes brushing the boy’s scarred cheek to care that he had just acknowledged fancying a boy.

Sirius knew he wasn’t like other boys. Never in his life had he found a girl pretty. He thought they were too… soft. But he would take his time looking at other boys as they passed, trying to figure out what exactly made them so  _ fascinating _ .

Sirius was dragged from his thoughts when the door to the compartment opened again, revealing a short, chubby boy in a muggle hoodie and jeans. His face was flushed red and he looked as though he was about to cry. When he noticed the three other passengers in the compartment, however, he paled.

“C-can I… can I sit here?” He asked softly, gesturing to the spot next to the sleeping boy. “It’s just… everywhere else is full- or- or the kids are mean.” He ended the sentence with his head down, his voice so quiet that Sirius almost hadn’t heard him.

“Of course!” James said, ever the cheerful stranger. “You can play cards with us!” The boy practically jumped into the compartment, and James helped him put his trunk up on the shelf. When he sat back down, he looked the boy in the eye. “I’m James, by the way. This is Sirius, and that’s Elvendork. Don’t actually know his name yet, been passed out since we got here.” He added the last part at the boy’s odd look. Sirius raised a hand in greeting when the boy looked over at him.

“I’m Peter. I’m just a first year,” the boy said shyly. James smiled.

“So are we!” Then he turned to Sirius, “You are a first year, right?”

“Yeah,” Sirius replied distractedly. That hair! Sirius just wanted to brush the locks away from his sleeping face. He wanted to touch this boy’s face. All over.

“But, you’re so… cool. How are you not freaking out right now?” Peter asked, staring at James with a sort of wonder in his eyes.

“I’m excited, that’s all. Plus, my dad told me to be nice to everyone on the train, you never know who could accidently become your friend for life!”

The train was going before long, and they were off on their first journey to Hogwarts. Sirius leaned back in the seat, taking a deep breath, and tried to stay engaged in the conversation, but his eyes kept falling back to the sleeping boy. He kept wishing him to wake up, just so he could see his eyes. He wished he could tell what color they were. That seemed an important thing to know about someone, their eye color. Every pair of eyes he’d ever seen had looked dull gray to him.

The door of the compartment slid open once again, and an older witch popped her head in. “Anything off the trolley, dears?” she asked cheerfully, gesturing to the plethora of candy, pastries, and chocolate she kept.

“Whoa!” James, Sirius, and Peter said at once, standing to look at the wares. They each selected a few things, and Sirius bought an extra chocolate frog for the boy. He’d feel bad waking him when he looked so tired, but he’d also feel bad if he didn’t get any sweets. They all settled back down into their seats, gorging themselves on the wizard sweets. James cracked open a pack of Bertie Bott’s every-flavour beans and sighed.

“Man, I wish I knew what colors these were. I hate trying to guess. You know how many times I’ve gotten earwax flavor cause I thought it was caramel?” He pulled a couple out, stared at them for a few seconds, and popped them in his mouth. Peter and Sirius ended up in stitches laughing at how violently he spit the beans out. “Ugh! Bogey!” 

Apparently their voices had been loud, as the boy across from Sirius finally stirred. With a look at James, they all decided to wait for him to wake up. Finally, the boy opened his eyes. Sirius looked down as he looked up so he wouldn’t be caught staring.

“Good morning mate, s’bout time you woke up!” James said happily. “We’re about halfway to Hogwarts right now. M’name’s James. How ‘bout yours?”

The boy yawned. “Remus. Remus Lupin.” His voice was warm, quiet, and shy.

“Nice to meet you. This here’s Sirius and Peter. We’re all first years. I guess you are too?” The boy must’ve nodded, as Sirius heard no response, but James said “Far out! By the way, the trolley witch already came through, but we didn’t wanna wake you. I think Sirius bought you a frog through, right mate?” He elbowed Sirius at the end of his sentence. Sirius jumped and grabbed at the pentagonal box, finally looking up and into the boy’s eyes. They were as warm as his voice. They were probably Sirius’ favorite pair of eyes he’d ever seen. And with a start, he realized why. 

_ Remus Lupin’s eyes were in color.  _

Startled, Sirius could only stare. Remus stared back, but not at his eyes. Remus was looking at his mouth, which was hanging open wide. Sirius looked over at James to see if he saw the same thing, but got another shock.

“James!” He yelled in surprise. The boy’s hand stopped its course of bringing a jelly bean towards his mouth.

His eyebrows knitted together in confusion. “Wha?” He asked suspiciously, voice muffled by a wad of candy in his cheek. He glanced back and forth at the three others in the compartment, hand frozen in air, as Sirius tried to figure out what the hell he was seeing.

“Your- your jelly bean! It’s so… bright!” James made a face, looking down at the bean in his hand. Staring at it as if to figure out its secrets.

“Uh… sure. Looks to me like the same as the last three I ate. Am I missing something?”

“No, I mean…” Sirius looked around for something to compare the color to. He looked out the window and cried out. There were so many colors! The sky, the trees, the grass. He remembered what his parents had told him as a boy.  _ The sky is blue, the leaves are green, the sunset is orange, and pink, and gold.  _ Green. The jelly bean was green. He told James as much.

“Mate, are you alright?” James searched Sirius’ face, and realization dawned on him. Sirius took the time to study James’ eyes. They were a mix. Green like leaves, brown like the tree trunks. “You mean… you can see the colors? Mate, bloody hell, why didn’t you tell me?”

Sirius laughed, unable to wipe the grin from his face. “That’s just it, I couldn’t see them a few minutes ago. Not until I looked at… at Remus.” His smile fell as he looked back at the boy in question, who still stared at him, and suddenly felt very embarrassed for saying that out loud. Now everyone would know he fancies a boy. But apparently Remus felt exactly the same. He had to know for sure.

“Remus, what color are my eyes?”

“Uh…,” the boy said, looking brain dead, “They’re grey.” Sirius’ face fell. Of course it was too good to be true. “But that box,” continued Remus, his voice gaining confidence, “is blue. Not blue like the sky, but darker.” Sirius realized that Remus was pointing at the chocolate frog box still clasped in his hand. He looked down and sure enough, the box was a deep, vibrant blue.

“Yeah!” Sirius agreed enthusiastically. Then he held the chocolate frog out across the compartment. “This is for you, by the way.”

Remus’ cheeks turned color, becoming brighter than the rest of his face.  _ Blushing,  _ Sirius thought. Remus Lupin was blushing. Blushing was pink. His mother had told him so when she did her makeup in the morning.

“Thanks,” he said, dropping his eyes as he took the blue box. Sirius looked up and James and Peter were staring at them in total confusion and maybe a little grossed out, but Sirius could not have been happier.

* * *

Sirius and Remus stuck together all the way to the castle, comparing colors and deciphering their names. By the time they entered the Great Hall of Hogwarts for the first time, they had worked out enough to distinguish the house banners above the long tables by color alone. James went on and on about wanting to be sorted into Red and Gold Gryffindor. And that was the perfect color to describe the warmth of Remus’ eyes: Gold. And he could not look away no matter how hard he tried. Remus was possibly the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen in his short life. He may not have understood love at his naive eleven years, but he knew that he wanted to be close to Remus. And Remus seemed to want the same.

The tight-lipped lady in the tree-leaf-green robes called his name and he stepped up onto the raised platform and turned to look out at all the students in the hall as he sat on the wooden stool. Another first year girl caught his eye, as her hair was a bright red-orange. He knew people  _ could  _ have red hair, he’d heard of it before, but the sight was so odd that he was startled when a darkness fell over his eyes.  _ The hat. _

“Interesting,” Sirius heard a voice in his ear, “I’ve never had a Black quite like you, before.” Sirius was unsure whether or not that was a compliment, and he didn’t have the time to analyze it before the hat spoke up again. “You have a strong desire to prove yourself, but as your own person. You do not care for tradition. Very odd, indeed. I do, however, see a desire in you that I do not see in your ancestors: acceptance. You wish to belong with those similar to you, and prove the strengths you have inside, not shadowed by your family or name. I know just what to do with you, boy.” Then, ringing out across the Great Hall, the hat called “Gryffindor!”

Sirius was in shock, even as the hat was lifted off his head and he could see the beautiful color around him again. He looked down into the gathered group of first years to see James, Peter, and Remus smiling up at him. James was pumping a fist in the air, cheering along with the Gryffindor table. The Slytherins, he noticed as he stepped off towards his new house, were in varying degrees of shock as well. A Black outside of Slytherin? Unheard of. Sirius hoped he could live up to the honor the hat had given him: something to separate him, finally, from the hateful tradition of his family.

As the sorting continued, Sirius was ecstatic to find that Remus, Peter, and James were all sorted into Gryffindor with him.

When the feast began, an abundance of colorful food filled the table, and Sirius gasped. How had he lived without knowing broccoli was so green? It almost made it worth eating!

James, Sirius noticed, seemed to be taking interest in the red-haired girl he saw earlier. He looked at her happily, tried to get her attention, but she seemed to ignore him. Finally, James turned back to the three of them with a huff. “Do any of you remember her name?”

“Lily Evans,” Remus said casually, lifting a goblet of yellow-orange pumpkin juice to his pink lips. The scars across his cheek looked silver in the candlelight. Again, Sirius was enthralled with the colors of Remus Lupin.

“Hey, Evans!” James called teasingly. Finally, the redhead turned her deep forest eyes to look at James angrily. She stared hard at him for a second, then dropped her now wide eyes, a deep red blush coming over her cheeks. Sirius looked back to James, who had a similarly shocked look on his face, though there was joy in it as well. He continued to stare at Lily as he calmly asked, “Hey, Sirius, what do you call her hair?”

“What?”

“The color. Of Evans’ hair. What do you call it?”

“You mean, you can see it? Is it bright, like fiery and warm?” James took a second to think about it, still staring at the girl’s bowed head, and nodded slowly. Sirius looked over at a grinning Remus. “That’s a mix of orange and red. The Gryffindor flag is red and gold. Remus’ eyes are gold. Carrots are orange.” He said all of this in the span of a few seconds, trying to distinguish the colors for him. James seemed not to have heard him, staring wistfully at the redhead.

“Colors are beautiful, Sirius,” James breathed finally. Sirius could only laugh and look back into Remus’ warm eyes.

“Couldn’t agree more, James.”


	2. Part Two: A Soulmate Lost

Remus waited every day to wake up and see the world in black and white. Dumbledore had told him when he tearfully asked that prisoners lasted five years at the most, but many lost their minds within the first few months.

His mum had lost her colors when Remus was nineteen. The Death Eaters that killed his father were arrested by the Order, but everyday that his mum owled him to ask him to describe a color to her- so that her memories wouldn’t fade like the hues did- he wished them dead.

But then there is Sirius’ face staring at him from breaking news report on the television in the small muggle cafe he managed to hold a job at for the last three months, and Remus looks into his familiar gray eyes and thinks his color has already gone. It’s not until he’s home and is breaking the blood red wax seal on the Hogwarts envelope that he realizes he’s still seeing them.

Dumbledore’s icy blue eyes stare at him over half-moon spectacles and tell him that, though he will be seeing Prongs’ son for the first time in twelve years, he must not tell him anything of the vibrantly saturated life he once lived with the boy’s parents. Young Harry shuffles around shyly with the verdant eyes that James had fallen head over heels for twenty years before.

The putrid squash color of the Wolfsbane made him nearly as sick as the potion itself, and nearly as sick as the thought of missing one single precious day he had with Harry because his body was forced to tear itself apart, spilling crimson blood under the command of the silver moon.

Ink the shade of strong-brewed tea bled from the center of the parchment, settling into the lines of his name and the castle he practically owned in his youth. Harry’s guilty emerald eyes burned in the back of his mind. Why had he said that? The boy felt bad enough, but he had to bring up his dead parents too? Later on, the ink would spell out the name of a friend he thought he had lost years ago.

The orange feline leapt from Sirius’ chest as he pulled him up from the floor. Remus pulled him tight against himself, staring over at the horrified faces of the three children he’d become so close to in the last year. A betrayal filled emerald eyes that Remus would have gladly re-lived the last twelve years just to get rid of.  _ His _ Sirius with too little fat and too pale skin and too dark eyes and with his innocence,  _ his innocence _ , helped him to explain to their best friend’s son that not all was as it seemed. 

Then, as quick as he came, he was gone again. The only two things he had to know that Sirius was still alive were his colors and a few brief letters, brought by vibrant tropical birds, that gave him explicit instructions not to reply. There was an “I love you” tacked onto the end of one letter that fuelled his every breath until July of 1995.

A dog as black as night lay outside his door one afternoon when he returned from the ministry holding cells for the full moon. After being let inside, the dog blurred back into his lover with his colors all washed out and faded. He made it his one goal to bring back Sirius’ colors. He decided he’d start with a blush in the cheeks and kissed Sirius with what he hoped was enough love to make up for the twelve years he’d somehow survived without hearing  _ that _ moan Sirius made in the back of his throat. 

* * *

 

There had always been far too much time on Sirius’ hands. Too much time to think about how much pain he had caused those around him, even if he hadn’t been the traitor they all thought he was. He had too much time to watch the colors of the sunset from his small window in Azkaban and to wish that he could see the colors painting Moony’s face instead of the dark stone wall behind him. He had too much time to study the changing shape of the moon and wish that he was beside his Remus while his beautiful body tore itself apart to let out the creature within. His body had too much time to feel its own pale hands on its skin and realize they would never get him off the way Remus’ did.

But now, twenty-four hours was never enough to be called a day. He could not possibly be  expected to do all the things he wanted with Moony-- to Moony-- in a day, given the rushing hours. He hadn’t nearly enough time to just sit and stare into golden eyes that were too wet too often. There was not enough time to curl up with a warm body in a red-and-yellow plaid outfitted bed in a small Remus-y cottage.

And too soon it was time to pick up his entire life and move it again, back to that grim old place he swore he’d never return. He told himself that it would be okay, now that Moony was with him, but the warm colors of Remus clashed with the dark cold of his parents’ home and the disconnect between his worlds made him ill in the head. Remus left for weeks at a time on missions for Dumbledore, and Sirius fell into darkness.

And by some cruel twist of fate, Harry was brought into the hell hole as well. He was too grown up, had seen too much, and barely came out on the other side. The youthful brightness of his friends did not bleed over into him, and his smiles didn’t meet his green eyes. Harry was broken, just as he was. He tried his best to put his godson back together, but September came and took his bright soul back to Hogwarts and threw Sirius back into darkness.

* * *

 

Remus didn’t even know that Sirius was dead until he looked into Harry’s devastated eyes and watched Lily’s emerald fade from their irises, leaving them as gray as Sirius’ had been. He leapt forward to grasp at Harry when the boy lurched towards the arch that had just swallowed his lover and his color. He desperately needed a reason to live, to not jump through the veil with Sirius, and Harry would have to be it.

Nymphadora Tonks was a decidedly less interesting person when one couldn’t see the chameleon properties of her hair and skin. But her advances left him weak with desire for any form of physical comfort she could give. It wasn’t love, but he knew it was the closest he’d ever come to it again.

Harry told him at Bill and Fleur’s wedding that he thought the flowers should have been orange to match the Weasley’s hair. He smiled politely and spent nearly ten minutes trying to decide why that statement seemed off to him. Finally, Harry put him out of his misery by laughing at the look on his face and telling him that Ginny had given him his color. He replied that he no longer remembered what orange looked like. Nymphadora had caught the bouquet.

He was sure the flowers at his own wedding were beautiful, as Dora had gone on for hours talking about how much she loves purple. He didn’t believe he’d ever seen a purple flower in his life. 

Teddy was born in April of 1998. When he saw Harry for the first time in months later that day, the first thing Harry wanted to know was the color of his son’s hair. He said he didn’t know, but that he had a picture. Harry told him it was blue, like the ocean. Remus hoped it was beautiful. His baby boy deserved to be beautiful.

Maybe he’d have been more careful in the battle, may have tried to dodge the spell, if he’d been able to see that it was green. But he was dead too fast to understand what had hit him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if you want a part three of this, as I'm sure soulmate rules apply in the afterlife!
> 
> By the way, I took the liberty of deciding that someone can be your soulmate without you being theirs. So maybe Remus gave Tonks her colors, but he couldn't reciprocate because he had already had a soulmate in Sirius? You decide.


	3. Part Three: A Soulmate Regained

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UGh ugh ugh why did this take so long?? I'm still not happy with the way this turned out, but I've been sitting on this for too long already, so I hope this is at least the slightest bit of a satisfying ending.

“Remus?” a voice broke through the dark silence that surrounded him.

  


“Moony, love, open your eyes.” The voice compelled him to listen, but he was safe in the darkness. The pain of loss could not reach him here. In the darkness, he would not be witness to the monochromatic life he had lived since his love took his color with him into the veil.

  


“C’mon, Remus, lemme see those eyes. Your beautiful eyes.” And the voice brought with it memories of hues he believed he’d forgotten years ago. He saw a pink mouth and a blue box and red blood and a room full of scarlet and gold. This was the life he had lived with his soulmate, but his soulmate was gone.

  


“C’mon, Re.” There was a sadness in that voice that tore at Remus’ soul in a way that only one person could ever do. And now he had to know.

  


The light, when he finally opened his eyes, was far too bright to see anything. But there was a shadow in its incandescence that caught his gaze. He blinked at it, trying to get his stinging eyes to focus.

  


“Hey there, Moony, that’s it.” Dark hair, pale skin, and aristocratic features swam into view. Never had he dreamed that he would be able to see this face again. It was too good a dream for a man as pathetic as he. 

  


“Sirius.” The name fell from his lips before his mind had caught up with his eyes. He looked at that mouth, the one he had been mesmerized by nearly thirty years before on a train ride to a castle. It’s lips curved into a familiar smirk that accompanied mischief, adventure, and stolen kisses.

  


There was a warmth cradling him. He looked down at himself to see that he was held gently in Sirius’ arms as if he were a precious gift. He looked to the other side, and found that he was not anywhere he knew. It looked like the Shrieking Shack, but even the lack of colors couldn’t make it seem this different.

  


The memories crashed back over him like a wave. A castle, falling to pieces. Children dying for the war begotten by their parents. An infant, left with its grandparents while its mother and father desperately tried to defend all that they knew. A curse, spat by a man with a mark of death on his arm. Falling into darkness.

  


Remus gasped. He was  _ dead.  _ Sirius had not come back to him. He had followed him into the dark. Teddy. Remus choked on the thought of the son he had left behind.  _ Harry.  _ Merlin, he had meant to make amends for all the wrong between them during the war. He wanted to be a part of the young man’s life. He hoped to give him a home with his wife and child, if he would have it.

  


“Shh, Moony, it’s alright now. You’re alright.” Sirius’ voice brought him back to himself, and he found himself crying. He craned his arms up and around the other man’s neck, burying himself in the familiar scent of his soulmate. Sirius’ arms wrapped him up safe and tight, just as they always had.

  


“Moony, look at me for a second.” Remus pulled himself back to look up into Sirius’ eyes. There was a light there that had been missing since James and Lily had been murdered. “There they are,” Sirius said, his pink lips splitting into a grin. “Those beautiful, golden eyes of yours.”

  


Remus blinked. He looked down at himself again. Before there was only gray. Now, he found his clothing a mix of warm tans and browns. Sirius wore a billowy shirt that just so happened to be green. A shade of green that Remus could see. 

  


His eyes travelled back up to Sirius’ face, which lacked all of the lines and age that it had in life, to see a grin that was nearly as blinding as the room surrounding them. Something twisted in Remus’ chest and he felt as though he would just crack in two, right in Sirius’ arms.

  


Sirius was here, right beside him,  _ holding him,  _ and he was full of life and color and love and everything Remus had lived without since his love had died two years before.

  


“P- Padfoot,” he stuttered. His love smiled wider. “You’re here.” Sirius nodded. He sunk back into the man’s arms, letting himself be enveloped in love.

  


“How’s he doin, Pads?” another voice called from behind them. Remus knew that voice, though he hadn’t heard it for nearly two decades.

  


“James,” he breathed shakily. “Merlin, that’s James.” He raised his head from Sirius’ shoulder and looked over it to see two young adults walking towards him. Two friends he’d had long ago and had been forced to forget to avoid drowning in his grief.

  


Remus pushed himself up and stood with help from Sirius in order to face James and Lily as they reached him. And he looked down into the faces of two twenty-one-year-olds who had barely begun to live, had barely become a family when their lives were taken from them. He looked at James and saw the strong young man that Harry had been forced to grow into too early, without the love of the family he never knew. He looked at Lily and saw her fiery hair and her eyes that bore all the strength and wisdom that her son carried.

  


“Merlin, Moony. We thought Pads here looked old, but you, mate…” James trailed off, and Remus looked up to see his friend grinning at him. The same grin that had preceded every prank at Hogwarts and every joke told at someone else’s expense. Remus’ fragile resolve shattered, and he pulled James into a fierce embrace.

  


“Prongs.” Remus’ voice shook with his emotion, and he melted against his old friend when the younger man’s arms circled around his back. “It’s been so long.” They held each other for several moments before Remus turned to see a wet-eyed Lily looking back at him. “Lily.” He reached out, threading his fingers through the ends of her hair. “It’s just as bright as I remember.” When he met her eyes, he smiled, pulling her in as well. She rubbed over his back comfortingly, and he was reminded of the night he first told her of his condition. After James and Lily had begun dating and she grew closer to all of the Marauders, she had become curious about Remus’ illness. One night, in a common room of just the five of them, he had broken down and confessed. She immediately wrapped him in her arms and ensured him she thought no less of him for it.

  


He pulled back to look at his friends gathered together once more, their colors only slightly faded from their youth. These were the people who had shaped him, pulling him from his shell of anxiety and self-loathing until he had begun to feel like a worthwhile person. With them, he was human. His heart twinged again for the loss of the fifth member of their posse. Peter’s betrayal hurt nearly as much as losing his friends after that Halloween.

  


“It’s good to have you back, Remus,” Lily broke him from his thoughts. “These two have been hell up here.” Remus couldn’t help but smile, looking down to hide the tears in his eyes, and felt Sirius’s arms wrap around his waist. He felt a nose press against the skin behind his ear, and tilted towards the familiar voice in his ear.

  


“I missed you so fucking much, Remus, it felt like dying again. I love you more than I can say.”

  


Before Remus could respond in kind, a soft voice fell on his ears.

  


_ “I am about to die.” _

  


Harry. Harry was walking to his death. He could see the teen now, his face anguished. He felt a tug behind his navel, like that of a portkey.

  


The world blurred around them, shifting colors and darkening until the four of them sound themselves standing in a semicircle in the forbidden forest. Remus looked around, confused, until his eyes fell upon Harry James Potter standing before them, looking for all the world like he was walking to his death. The world around him was hazy, as if he was looking at it through a veil, all except for the small stone Harry held in his hand. The gatekeeper between the living and the dead.

  


Harry’s eyes, possibly more green than they had ever been as they shone with tears, lingered on each of them. The teen studied his parents before him for the first time, and his eyes twitched over Sirius and himself, taking in their younger appearances.

  


“Harry, love,” Lily practically sang, breaking the silence. She stepped towards her son, a wide smile making her even more beautiful. “It’s so good to see you.”

  


Harry’s eyes locked onto her as if she was a beacon of light in the dark of night. His lip quivered, as did his body when he took a small step towards her. His face twisted into anguish, and he blinked back tears.

  


“Harry, my brave, brave, son.” James said, his voice thick and breathy. “We are so  _ very _ proud of you.” The teen’s eyes locked onto his dad as well, and James gave him a crooked grin.

  


“D- does it hurt?” Harry asked softly, breaking Remus’ heart.

  


“Dying?” Sirius blurted, and Remus’ mind was back at the Department of Mysteries, his heart being ripped out of his chest and shattered. “Not at all. You’ll be with us before you know it. We’ll be right on the other side for you, kid.”

  


“The Curse doesn’t feel like anything, Harry. And he won’t drag it out longer than he needs to,” the words came quickly, as Remus was desperate to comfort his best friend’s son.

  


Harry spared him a sideways glance before he broke down. A single sob escaped his throat. “I’m sorry. I never meant for any if you to die. Every time, it should have been me.” His face twisted as he turned towards Remus. “Your son, Remus. I’m so sorry. I- I won’t be there for him, either.” To his side, Remus could see Sirius stiffen at the mention of Teddy.

  


“I’m sorry, too. I wish more than anything I could have gotten to know my son. But he will be told stories of us all. He will know that we fought for his happiness.”

  


Harry stood very still, a horrible darkness and maturity in his eyes, and seemed to steel himself, looking up at them again. “You’ll stay with me?”

  


“Until the very end,” James said, his voice strained.

  


Harry’s head dropped and he stared at the forest floor.

  


“It’s alright, Harry. We’re going to be here for you. Always,” Lily consoled.

  


“Please stay with me.” With that, Harry pulled James’ cloak over his head, and they followed him through the forest towards the Death Eaters.

  


As Harry stood before Voldemort himself, he released the Resurrection stone from his grip, and the world faded around them again.

  


James held a sobbing Lily in his arms as they watched the scene before them. Harry, directly before the Dark Lord, every second waiting to die. Remus looked to Sirius, but the man refused to meet his eye.

  


They watched helplessly as the jet of green light sent Harry’s body flying backwards. And the Boy-Who-Lived lived no more.

  


“C’mon,” Sirius said as the image of Harry dissipated, his voice husky, “let’s go see him.” he turned as if to walk away, but a familiar voice stopped them.

  


“I can’t let you do that.” Remus looked up to see Dumbledore standing before him, his robes a brilliant white. He looked over all of them with a distinct sadness in his eyes.

  


“Albus, my son- whom I haven’t seen for seventeen years- has just been killed. I’m going to see him,” James said, his voice edgy.

  


“Harry is in a very delicate state at the moment. He is teetering on the edge of life and death.”

  


“How is that possible?” Lily choked out. “Are you saying he could live again?”

  


“With the right persuasion, yes.” With that, Albus launched into a dark tale of a volatile piece of Voldemort’s soul trapped inside an infant’s head. The information left all four of Harry’s parental figures in varying states of disbelief and despair.

  


“If he was to be greeted by the four of you, he would most certainly choose death. I, however, believe that I may persuade him to return to life and to finish the fight we began all those years ago.”

  


Sirius shook his head violently. “This is madness, Albus. My godson has been through enough. You didn’t see what we just saw. The poor kid’s a mess, he deserves to rest.” Despite his horror at the thought of Harry’s death, Remus had to agree with his lover. There was no guarantee that he would be able to come back fully and continue fighting. There was no reason to believe that he would even be able to function if he returned to his body.

  


“Harry is the best hope we have. We must trust in his strength,” Dumbledore said with an air of finality, and the words echoed those Remus heard over a year ago. They all fell into silence.

  


“Go to him, Albus,” Lily breathed. “If my son can live again, I want it for him.” The old wizard nodded, and faded into the white mist surrounding them.

  


They again stood in silence for several minutes.

  


“C’mon, Moony,” James finally said. “Let’s show you into the afterlife properly.” Looking to all his friends, Remus let felt himself relax. He could finally rest without the fear of war, lycanthropy, or any other number of problems plaguing him. He let himself be led forward by Lily’s hand on his back, and he followed them into the light.

  


* * *

  


  


Several months in the living world later, but what felt like merely days to Remus, he found himself watching his son cradled in the arms of his godfather. In the baby’s distress, his hair had shifted colors nearly faster than Remus’ eyes could keep track of them. Once Harry had scooped him close to his chest, however, his hair settled on a deep brown, very similar to Harry’s own. The young man was speaking to him in hushed tones.

  


“It’s alright, Teddy. I’m here, I’ve got you.” Remus’ heart skipped as his mind conjured an image of a young James comforting Harry in much the same way. “I know you miss your mummy and daddy. I do, too. But we’ve got each other now, little man, and we’re going to be just fine.”

  


Remus jumped at the hand that fell onto his shoulder. He looked to see Sirius standing beside him, looking down at his own godson. Anxiety coiled in Remus’ stomach. They’d managed to avoid the topic of his marriage and the subsequent birth of Teddy, but Sirius had seemed uncomfortable with the boy’s mentioning when they had been in the forest with Harry that day.

  


“I miss him everyday,” Sirius said. “He was such an amazing kid, but I always let my attachment to James get in the way of really getting to know him. That’s my biggest regret. Well, that and not trusting you during the first war.” Sirius’ arm slipped around Remus’ waist and his hand ran over his side where his werewolf bite lay. Remus’ voice was caught in his throat as he looked between his beautiful lover and his beautiful son. They felt so disconnected in Remus’ mind, almost as if the two had been a part of different lives for Remus. Essentially, they had.

  


“I’ll admit, it hurt when you first married my cousin,” Sirius said deeply. “As selfish as it sounds, it felt like I was being replaced.”

  


“Sirius, I could never replace you. You’re my soulmate,” Remus said, quick to reassure the love of his life. He let his hand curl around Sirius’, and sighed when the other man let their fingers intertwine. Gray eyes flicked up to meet his.

  


“I know, Rem. Believe me, I know. I spent twelve years in Azkaban trying to forget about you.”

  


Remus was shocked into holding his breath. “W-why?” he got out, trying to keep the hurt from his voice. When he turned his head to look at Sirius, his heart clenched at the drawn and anguished look on the man’s face.

  


“I knew I didn’t deserve you anymore. I thought you’d either have rejected me just because you thought I betrayed James and Lily, or if you knew the truth about that, then you would hate me for thinking you were the spy.”

  


Without thinking, Remus let his head fall onto Sirius’ shoulder. “I could never hate you, Padfoot. I wanted to, for a time, because I thought I should. In reality, I was just mad with myself because I missed you so goddamn much.” At that, Sirius’ free arm snaked around Remus’ front, pulling them chest-to-chest. Remus turned his face into Sirius’ neck. His next words stung his throat, but he knew he had to admit his faults in order to gain back the trust of his true love.

  


“It was hell without you, Padfoot. I was so lonely. All the time. I felt lost. Nymphadora, she made me happy. As happy as I could be. I don’t think I actually loved her, but I needed her.” Remus blinked against the tears in his eyes as Sirius rubbed a hand over his back. This was a comfort he didn’t deserve.

  


“I used her. She deserved better. She should have found someone who would love her like she deserved.” Remus trailed off, sinking into Sirius’ warmth.

  


“Don’t beat yourself up, Remus. I’m glad she made you happy, and I know she loved you. I was glad you’d found someone, Remus. Besides, it wasn’t just about you and Dora, was it?” Remus could hear something strangely apprehensive in Sirius’ voice.” He pulled back to look into concerned gray eyes.

  


“Don’t get me wrong,” Remus assured him. “I love Teddy more than I knew it was possible to love a person. Teddy is- was- my entire world. I went into battle and I died for him. He was the only reason I kept fighting. I love my son more than anything.” Remus was ready to defend Teddy til he was blue in the face if Sirius was reluctant to accept the young metamorphmagus.

  


Sirius turned to look back at Harry and Teddy, an anguished look on his face. “Remus, he doesn’t put anything between you and me. He’s absolutely beautiful, and it tears me up to know that you got so little time with him.” He looked back at the werewolf, eyes shining. “I wish you could be with him. He needs you much more than I do.”

  


Remus felt a smile tug at his lips, and he pulled the animagus towards him. They fell together in a desperate kiss, hearts mending together again after so long apart. Remus poured out all his love through his arms which held Sirius as if he might blow away in the wind without them.

  


They would be together, for now until forever. Wrapped in the hues of each other, in the endless and unnameable shades of love that even death could not sever between them. Remus, for the first time in his life, was entirely happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading!!


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